The Secret Women’s Club – How to join, and how to quit.

As a coach, I am privy to a lot of sensitive information and marvelous insights about a person.

I see them as they are; their perceived strengths and weaknesses, their innermost fears and their deepest desires.

This week, one of my clients revealed an intriguing secret that she’d held hidden.

I asked her straight up, what chocolate means to her and she said ‘weakness’.

This unravelled a very interesting conversation that told me very clearly – ‘yes, you’re a member of the Secret Womens’ Club’.

The Secret Women’s Club

Did you know there is a secret club for women?

You may already be a member, or in the initiation process as we speak….without even realising it.

I’d say about 80% of my clients are in the club when they first come to see me. By that time, they’ve typically hit rock bottom.

They feel miserable and frustrated, and their first words are typically “I hate the way I look in the mirror, and I’m sick of feeling like that.”

Secret Women’s Club – Joining Criteria

If you want to join this club, there are some stringent qualifying criteria:

  • You want to feel powerful and strong
  • On the outside, you want to appear to others as if you have it all together
  • You are known as someone who is very competent, capable and gets things done
  • You are efficient and effective
  • You have high standards and love upholding rules, standards and guidelines
  • On the inside, you often feel stuck and disempowered
  • You become frustrated with yourself
  • You feel overwhelmed and sometimes resentful
  • You struggle with feelings of shame, guilt, or inadequacy
  • You have your own special crutch to help you through the hard times – food or drink
  • Your crutch is a quick way for you to feel soothed, high and light – but it’s your “weakness”
  • Your crutch is an “easy way out” – so you can keep moving through your busy life without addressing the underlying issues (which are often simple things).

Secret Women's Club

But the most important criteria for being in the club are:

  • You hate asking for help because it’s a sign of weakness
  • You think you should be able to fix things on your own (you’re a capable person!)
  • You avoid asking for help, then fall down the rabbit hole, only asking for help when things are getting desperate and you’re fully into self-loathing.

Quitting the Secret Women’s Club

This client of mine used the word weakness three times in a coaching conversation, and she finally said

“I guess sugar is just my weakness, it comes from my childhood habits and a lack of self-worth.”

Great acknowledgement – but until she releases her old story, that ‘negative affirmation’ will define her future relationship with sugar.

The conversation revealed what she had not previously seen – that doing what you’ve always done, gives you what you’ve already got.

She was going to be stuck in the Secret Women’s Club unless she mad a plan to quit!

The plan she created involved working out how to harness her strengths and inner power so she could change her relationship with sugar (her crutch).

She realised it would take a few weeks of trial and learning to move through fear, mindfully change her unconscious habits, and learn the tools and strategies to do this with a minimum of fuss or disruption to her life.

Some of the coaching work will include reflecting on her internal dialogue and her expectations of herself, learning to be an observer, and working out what her existing strengths are.

The second part of her plan involves developing and testing some better strategies to deal with life’s inevitable overwhelm, challenges and confrontations, in context of her strengths, patterns and situation.

It is my privilege to coach with her and watch her unleash her power, sense of conviction and realistic boundaries as she unravels her story of the past and writes herself a new mantra for the future.

She is changing her relationship with herself, and sugar, forever.

Your Next Steps

Do you want to be a lifetime Platinum member of the Secret Women’s Club?

Or, would you like to learn how to use your strengths and self-efficacy to combat your so-called weaknesses, and change you relationship with food and your body, for good?

If you’re stuck down the rabbit hole right now, and ready to get help to throw away your crutches, get in touch for a 15-minute chat to talk about your next steps.

This is YOUR time to quit the same old story, and rewrite your relationship with food and yourself.

Melanie White

Melanie White

Chief Inspiration Coach

I’m a quirky scientist and a Health and Wellness Coach who helps 35+ women to understand and eat right for their body type.